Put down the oat milk. Park the electric car. The eco-boast du jour is how little one washes. The actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis got the ball rolling, humblebragging on a podcast that they don’t wash their children — or themselves — every day because it’s unnecessary. The great listicle industrial complex whirred into action, with celebrity websites trawling their archives to produce clickbait inventories of celebrity non-washers.

Cosmo explained that Cameron Diaz and Julia Roberts are on the record as being anti-deodorant because of chemicals or something. Even The Washington Post tackled the issue of the day, noting in a hard-hitting exposé that while the actor Jake Gyllenhaal claimed in an interview with Vanity Fair in the wake of the Kutcher/Kunis revelations that